Blank.

Saw this note posted in fb today that create lots of emotion in me...

伤心过了，那股淡淡的忧伤还在心中隐隐作痛，
问自己，这一次他走了以后你的心中还留下什么，
除了伤痛，除了眼泪，除了不舍，还有些什么？
难道他走了以后，你真的要这样过下去吗？


他走了，你可以选择继续活在他的世界里，
让自己沉沦，让自己堕落，让自己继续伤心，
然而，你还记得不记得在你还没遇见他以前，
你的笑容是多么地灿烂？
你还记不记得你说过你一定要过得很幸福？
你还记不记得你说过你一定要遇见一个最好的人，
与他在一起，然后结婚，然后幸福过着下半辈子？
难道这些最初的梦想你都忘了吗？


是的，我知道你最爱的人就是他，
除了他没人能给得起你想要的幸福，
但今天他走了，他也给不起你想要的幸福了，
难道你就要一辈子不要幸福了吗？
难道你爱他不是为了得到想要的幸福吗？
你苦苦追求的幸福，难道真的只有他给得起吗？


或许这世上真的没有谁给得起你要的幸福，
因为可以带给你幸福的那个人，永远都只有你自己，
别人对你好，只要你不喜欢，你就不会感觉到幸福，
别人对你坏，只要是你喜欢，你一样会觉得是幸福...


分手了，从此你们就是陌生人，
从此你的幸福就与他无关了，
你过得不好他不会在意，
你过的好，他可能会后悔，
无需报复他，无需过得比他好，
只要你自己过得快乐就很好...


没了他，或许会少了点什么，但同时，却也会多了些什么，
不开心，不快乐，不习惯，但总有一天，你还是会习惯的，
伤心，失落，心疼，但总有一天，你会感受不到的，
忘不了，放不下，还爱他，但总有一天，你会爱上别的人...


如果你真的觉得等待是幸福的，那你就不该有任何的怨言，
如果等待错的人会让你觉得幸福，那你继续等吧，
如果有一天你想要放下，首先你要学会的是爱惜你自己...


慕康随笔~

Even after reading this.. I don't know what to think. What is right and what is wrong? What is the correct move that I should me doing now? Even so, does it matter anymore? Well.. I end up to be blank. Totally blank. 想不通就是想不通。可以怎样？

And... This song match perfectly with the note.

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Got myself a new hobby after you left, that is sitting under the hot shower. Let the warm water dripping on my head, covering my whole body, washing off all the feelings, clear away all the doubt. And most importantly, I won't know whether I am crying or not.

Lonely?

I think lots of people will think of this song when I mention about 'lonely'.



Thought there are lots of things to prepare for this sat PSS session but end up to be quite ok cause I am lazy to attempt the case studies. =P Hmm.. so, I got more time to slack around. Yeah~

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Suddenly remember that I actually done one of the stupid test on fb before.. To see what I am really scare of, and the result turn out to be 'LONELY'. Well... Hmm.. maybe.. After I lost him, I wonder how I can move on. Things suddenly went so empty, cause he had always been there for me. Anyway, I better don't think so much about those memories again when someone is happily flirting out there. Lol. What I really want to say is that.. There was this one Sec 2 gal that I know from the first aid course. She had been bugging me after she got my contact. Well.. Good to treat her like a little sis and talk to her. But.. Sometimes may be a bit too sticky la. Lol. Now, think positively! Maybe she is someone that God send over to save me from the loneliness? Or maybe cause God knows that she needs me to teach her stuff and enlighten her? Aiseh.. As if I can help her a lot like that. Lol. Hmm.. Or maybe if only I will be happier if my real other half will appear and treat me like this! Hahaha.. Well.. I am self high-ing again. =) But why not? Make a wish and make everyday a meaningful and happy one. Move on.. And treasure those who loves you. Say till I can really do this like that. Welll.. I should instill this positive mind into me. Or else I will die... Die... DIE...

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Boom! Stay positive! But I am scare of December! AWwwwWWwww!

Fun days

Had a few fun and happy days. Guardian DnD in Marina Bay Sand. Wow.. not bad. My company sure is a big organisation. The event is so grand and cool! I like the MC. Super funny. =) Loves the pre-regers with me, loves the family photo and of course, my fake eye lashes. =P

Thankful for the people around me. Love you all~

A collage full of myself! And only myself. =P

And also, didn't go to work for a few days cause we were at the first aid course. Meet some new frens and had fun playing around. =) Learn how to do CPR too!

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Keep falling back as much as I want to move on. This is bad. Maybe I should make myself busier? Like really busy so that I won't think so much? But.. My body is getting weaker. =(

Lol.

Called someone cause I am going crazy again. Crazy in a high way, not emo. Lol. Laughed and talked rubbish. Maybe this is a better way? Talked about one super old song. Ok la. Not exactly very old if you want to compare to those songs that was sang by our parents. And.. After watching the MV, I laughed like crazy too! LOL. And there was one comment on the video that made me laugh too! The comment was " 帥哥不是死會就是gay, 難道這是不變的真理?" XD

Time for the video!


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Since I can't study anymore. Why not just sing k in my room? Yeah~

I am experiencing life.

I feel pain, I feel sad and I am thinking a lot recenty because I am experiencing life.

From losing someone mentally and losing another one physically. I feel hurt because I am experiencing life. All these life experiences are here to train me to be a more mature and tougher person. I gotta be strong. All the dark age of my life will be ending and soon I will be seeing rainbow. Hope that I can be the happy stupid me again. Laughing and playing like crazy. Kick the emo bug away. =)

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Haven't fully recover from losing someone really important to me yet. YET! Yes, gotta emphasize that and really hope that I can recover fast. All these emo-ness and thinking had killed off lots of my brain cells and I need to make myself think right or rather not thinking about anything anymore before I get Alzheimer or dementia. *touch wood* Bring me out to play, bring me out to experience life, bring me out of my emoness, give me positive thoughts, give me a hug and give me strength!

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To my grandpa who is gone. May you rest in peace. Think a lot throughout that few days of the funeral. See different things from different angle. Know more about my family history through a book that was hand written words by words by my grandpa. To my grandpa who lose his father at two years old but was being strong to support his whole family. To my grandpa who fight with cancer for about three years. Your death may be a relief for you. May you rest in peace. And I will work hard and be strong, cause there are people that need me, like my grandma, who cried when grandpa is gone. Gotta jia you and work hard. Although is not easy. Although not everybody can understand what you are going through. You must think right and move on.

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I just want to be happy and live life with no regret.