我爱上了一个小孩

我爱上了一个小孩。一个会闹脾气，会暴力的小男孩。说他是小男孩，不成熟的小男孩，一定又会让他生气了。他的责任感很强，让我可以好好地依靠他，我在别人面前表现的有他有多骄傲，可是他并不知道这一点。因为在他眼里，我说的每一句话，都是一个批评。我承认，我说话并不好听。可是我却常常喜欢在他面前闹脾气，要他疼我。

自尊心强的他，总于爆发了。完全听不进我的解释。他疯了，变成另一个人。我所有的沟通举动，被他看成了我在辩护自己。我累了。这一个疯掉的小男孩，连我自己也不能接受。他把我的梦，我们的未来，我们的爱撕碎了。。。毫无保留的撕碎了。一个会对你施暴的男孩，你能接受吗？

我们又这样，需要经历另一次的分离。另一次的那种心痛到想死的，心碎到呼吸困难的阶段。可是我好没用，经历了他的暴力，他的疯狂，他的不讲理，我却只是在等待着他的领悟。我只希望他不会再是一个小孩，不会那么冲动，可以为了我们的未来，成为我的男人好吗？ 可以以让我们关系更好，以让我们可以开心的基础上来一起走下去吗？不要再为了一些物质上的东西来扰乱我们的感情了。我，真的看得很清楚。我只是希望你能信赖你要的妻子，去真得相信她是怎样的一个人，不需要为了证明一些想法，而破坏了感情。

我的未来老公，你这么了？你知道我很伤心吗？你知道你自己做了什么吗？又经历了这一次之后，我还能相信什么？

如果我们真的不能走下去了，如果你真得毫无领悟，那就请你狠狠地和我断绝来往吧。。。我不想再心碎下去。我也许真的没那么幸运。。。

我给我们俩的期限就要到了。我好笨，到底还在期盼什么？我希望我们一旦决定分开后，两个人都会有所成长。也希望，我们真的会找到我们各自的幸福。

人生苦短，我只希望能开开心心的活下去。一个人也好。我也要开开心心的。

Unsure

I am surprise and being in a stunned state when things happen. Didn't know that it can turn out this way. Suddenly I feel like the sky is falling on me. But.. other ppl's life move on. I am numb. I am breathless. But surprisingly, I am calm.

Now tell me, what's is my future and what's happening to my life? Especially my love life? I thought that we are fine. We never had such big argument for at least of half a year aldy. Or even longer than that? What's happening to you to turn you to another person? I thought we are fine. I thought you are the one. Or are you still? Am I just living in my own illusion that we are good? Where is the trust that things will still work out?

I am confused. And I am very unsure of what to do. And so.. I will not do anything. I am hoping. Or should I just give up hoping? Heart broken.

Woman

Suddenly, have the feeling to write blog again. Somewhere for me to express myself.

My bf had proposed to me. Have my happiness finally come? Well.. I will say that this is a continuous thing. Love is not how you have started. Love and relationship is about how to maintain and sustain it. Hope that we will be happy till the end of life. =)

Woman is really a kind of complicated creature. And so am I. Having say that... I am feeling so confused now. PMS-ing? Oh well... Things had been good. New job, new life, new husband? Lol. Peaceful life is good isnt. it? But why am I feeling so bored? Am I being greedy again? But wat's wrong with hoping an interesting life? I am... Confused. Woman.. not easy to entertain woman.. I hope that my EQ can be stronger. Or maybe.. let me go for some holiday.. So as to sustain my life. Haha...

What is the situation.

So what is the situation now also I don't know. It takes two to bring one relationship together. How can it be when I let go then everything will be gone. So disappointing on the situation now. What else can I hope for? Why do I always have to meet with this kind of situation. Can you just wake up from your dream soon. I really need someone that really treasure me but not neglecting like this. Ah... I don't know what I am talking about. Really tired of my life. Till when only I can find the love of my life, the one that will really treat me good? Please let it be soon.

So is this what you want?

My dream is to travel around to see the world. This is what get me going. But with the budgets and realistic issues kick in. Do I still persist as much as I wanted to? I don't know. Need some supportive strength to get me going.

It is not healthy to get your social circle to round and round around one person only. And so I am trying to get together with the others as well. But seems like everyone is so busy with their own agenda. Sad to admit that, I do not have much close friends. Unbalance oh.

If you know that I like to travel much then why can't you just entertain me with just some small small trip if your intention is to minimised spending. Your vision is to work on your future I support you fully. But, can you just let me have something to look forward to?

Now tell me. What should I do?

Stagnant

Never sign in to blogspot quite a while aldy. Surprisingly, everything have changed. Feel so foreign.

Had been a registered pharmacist for one whole year.What have I achieve? Is this really what I wanted? It will be so much easier that I know what do I want to achieve in my life. At least more specifically. Then I can just works towards the passion that I should have. Feel so stagnant. How do I get myself to improve? Get myself involved in more activities is not a good idea because that is just pure "sai gang". Do I get myself to stay in this company when the direction is more towards sales and figures rather than talk about staff's benefit? What should I do?

Getting quite tired with my work. The people that I see. Oh well. I admit. I am not being very positive. I have lost my positivity. How do I maintain my job satisfaction when the person that I see everyday is like getting more and more irritating. I know, this is because of my perspective as well and so I will mind and take notice more of the irritation and lost my patience. Oh well.. But I am really losing the patience. I don even want to see any human during my off time, except those that I am comfortable with, which I don't need to frame up myself, which I can just relax and rest.

Now tell me what should I do? Oh please let me know my direction of life soon. Some spend their whole lifetime searching for the answer for this question. And so.. what will happen to me then?

Expectation

What should I expect what can I expect and what should I not expecting that at all!?

Crash down. Don't want to face anything don't want to see you! Childish and selfish thinking!

I hate you I hate you I hate myself! I hate my fortunate or unfortunate life!

Damn it. Let the world end. Because I have enough of all the world already. All my want is to earn enough money and travel around the world. Yeah. Whatever is it, maybe I should be more selfish as well.

Yeah I am not correct mind right now. I am certainly not. Whatever. Life sucks. As always. No more positive charge just let me crash to the bottom.